Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
