I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
