I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
