I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
