That's intense
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
