Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
