i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is wine microwaveable?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
