i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
