How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
