just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
