I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wear drunk well.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
