she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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