im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
