hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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