had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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