Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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