Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
