like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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