burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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