a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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