he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
