I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
