I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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