I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
