Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
