dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
