Define "chronic" masturbator.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
