Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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