i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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