I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
