And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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