I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
