Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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