judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
