If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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