U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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