Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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