Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
