Don't you send me to vm
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
