it's too hot outside to masturbate.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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