you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
