I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
