i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
