Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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