Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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