finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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