My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
