I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
