I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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