eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
