went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
bring money and cleavage
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
