I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
