Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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