"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
