Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
