she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
