Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
